


I've Got A Secret

by DashFlintceschi



Series: Illnesses/Disabilities Alphabet Challenge [7]
Category: You Me At Six
Genre: Josh gets angry, Josh is transsexual, M/M, Max doesn't care, Max finds out, Mosh are mushy, Mosh because Mosh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-22
Updated: 2014-06-22
Packaged: 2018-02-05 18:20:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1827826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DashFlintceschi/pseuds/DashFlintceschi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh has had a secret his whole life, Max finds out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I've Got A Secret

**Author's Note:**

> G is for Gender Identity Disorder. I apologise if some of this is wrong, or anyone gets offended, this is just what I know of trans issues, feel free to correct me or shout at me if I'm wrong.

There have been a few clues over the years, but none of them would ever have guessed what Josh has been hiding. He’s the only guy Max has ever met who’s smaller than he is, standing at a grand total of four feet nine inches. He rarely has any kind of facial hair; a barely noticeable, tiny Adam’s apple; and sometimes, he has weird mood swings, going from miserable and desolate to a screaming fit of rage. None of them have ever really thought anything of it, though. Everyone’s built differently, and everyone’s allowed to feel however they feel, in their opinion.

Max discovers Josh’s secret when they’re touring. They’re staying in a hotel for a few days, and Max insisted on sharing with Josh. He’s been in love with his tiny best friend for years, but he’s never had the guts to say anything. Chris has tried endlessly to get him to do it, using his own drunken confession and resulting happy relationship with Dan as proof that it’s a good idea, but Max won’t listen. On the third morning in the hotel, Max wakes up to a sound that takes him a few moments to identify as sobbing.

He realises that Josh is having one of his mood swings again, and has apparently locked himself in the bathroom. He tries the door, and finds it unlocked. He pushes it open, and can’t help but gape at what he sees. Josh is standing in front of the mirror, sobbing harshly as he glares at his naked body, which is what shocks Max so much. Josh has breasts, distinctly feminine waist and hips, and a vagina. 

“Josh? W-what?” Josh jerks around and his eyes widen in shock for maybe half a second, then his face scrunches in rage.

“Get out! Get the fuck away from me!” He screams, rushing forward and shoving Max backwards harshly, slamming the door in his face as hard as he can.

Max sits on his bed, waiting patiently, until half an hour later, Josh comes out of the bathroom, fully dressed and looking as male as he usually does, but now that he knows, Max can see all the little hits he’d ignored before. The smaller, more delicate facial features, the tiny, dainty hands and feet, and the curve of his waist. Josh refuses to look at him as he starts looking for his wallet and trainers, and he freezes when Max clears his throat.

“So, you’re transgender, then?” He asks curiously, doing his best to make it obvious in his tone of voice that he doesn’t think any differently of Josh.

“There’s some argument over the uses of transgender and transsexual. Most people believe that transgender means that the person identifies as the opposite gender, but they’re happy with their body the way it is, while transsexuals want to fix nature’s mistake. I tend to use transsexual,” Josh explains, and Max nods, despite the fact that Josh still won’t look at him.

“So, you want to be male, then?” He asks, surprised at the way Josh spins around and glares at him with a snarl.

“I _am_ male! It’s not my fault nature fucked up, is it?!” He growls, and Max stares at him with wide eyes.

“Sorry, I’m just trying to understand, I’ve never dealt with this kind of thing before. So, you’re male, but you were born with the wrong anatomy, I understand that now. So, I’ve been right in using masculine pronouns all these years? There’s not some weird, gender neutral pronoun you prefer?” He asks, and Josh shakes his head.

“The gender neutral pronouns are for people who don’t identify with either gender, or aren’t sure yet which gender they identify with. I’m male, and I’m one hundred percent sure of that, so it’s masculine pronouns,” he explains, and Max nods.

“Why didn’t you ever say anything? We would have understood, I do understand,” Max wonders, and Josh sighs.

“I know, but I thought… The more people that know, the less likely I am to find a guy that’ll be able to see past it, though I was considering being a bit of a bastard and waiting a while before telling any guy that gave me a chance,” Josh rambles, and Max smiles as he decides. Josh has shared his biggest secret with him, it’s time he return in kind.

“You’ve already found someone that can look past it,” he tells him, and Josh squints at him sceptically.

“This isn’t one of those bullshit things where you lie and tell me you’re in love with me to make me feel better, is it?” He accuses, and Max laughs slightly, then pulls his phone out of his pocket, opens up the thread of texts between himself and Chris, and hands it to Josh. He seems confused, until he starts scrolling up to older texts, and finds months, years worth of texts full of Max whining about how in love with Josh he is, and Chris encouraging Max to tell him.

“You really don’t care?” He whispers, and Max shakes his head.

“You’re still you. I fell in love with the smart, confident, funny, sassy, gorgeous bitch that you are, not what I think you have between your legs. Sure, I’ll have to wait a while to get laid, but I’ve waited four years, I can wait a bit more,” he insists, and before he knows what’s happening, he has Josh on his lap, and Josh is kissing him hard.

It turns out that Max doesn’t have to wait as long as either of them had thought. The reason Josh hasn’t had surgery yet, is because he hates the only two options for female-to-male surgery. Have a completely useless penis fashioned out of skin and muscle taken from his thigh, or do nothing. The hormone therapy makes the clitoris enlarge to anywhere between three and eight centimetres, and some trans guys are happy enough with that, but Josh isn’t. Just two months into their relationship, though, Josh gets a phone call from his GP, telling him about a new trial for trans surgery. Genital transplants. They pair him up with a male-to-female, he gets her genitals, and she gets his uterus and ovaries, and they make a vagina from muscle and skin from her thigh. His GP explains that they have a one hundred percent success rate, but they don’t have enough case studies to move out of the trial stage yet, so his surgery will be completely free if he agrees to be a case study. He agrees without hesitation, and his GP adds him to the list, then Josh hangs up and dances around the tour bus with Max.

Max had been right. When Josh, with Max’s encouragement, had told Dan, Chris and Matt, they had, of course, had questions, but once those questions had been answered, they’d pulled Josh into a group hug and insisted that they understood, and that he was still the same Josh, and they still loved him the same. The three of them are there with Max when Josh comes out of surgery two weeks after he got the call from his GP.

It takes three days for them to lower Josh’s morphine enough that he’s lucid and coherent. He smiles weakly up at Max, and the first thing that comes out of his mouth has the four of them laughing slightly and wondering if the morphine’s still messing with his head.

“The wrong shoe feeling’s gone,” he mumbles, and Max runs his fingers through Josh’s matted, slightly greasy hair.

“What d’you mean?” He asks, an indulgent smile on his face.

“You know that feeling of sheer wrongness you get when your shoes are on the wrong feet?” He squints up at Max as he nods, trying to figure out where Josh is going with this. “All my life, I had that wrong shoe feeling, but all over, every millimetre of my skin had that feeling of wrongness, but it’s gone now,” Max finally understands, and he grins happily as he presses a kiss to Josh’s forehead.

“Good, I’m glad,” he murmurs, before looking and realising Josh has drifted back to sleep. As he sits back down in the chair he’s got pulled up as close to the bed as possible, he’s indescribably happy that Josh never has to endure that ‘wrong shoe’ feeling ever again.


End file.
